Burger-Lovers Weigh In on Things That Can Instantly Ruin a Hamburger

Mel Dawn

Mar 18, 2023 9:00 AM EDT

In my humble opinion, the best burger in the world is some variation of George Motz's Oklahoma fried onion smash burger. It's pretty simple. Oil and heat your skillet. Place a ball of 80/20 ground beef in the skillet and season with salt. Add a handful of finely sliced white onions on top of your ball. Smash the onions and beef into a thin patty and then leave it alone. Wait until the frilly edges go brown. Flip the patty. Lay a single slice of bullshit cheese on top (you know, those pre-wrapped American cheese squares that basically taste like slices of milk). Cover for just 30 seconds while a buttered Martin's Potato Roll (or squishy equivalent) lightly browns in a separate pan. If you're feeling crazy, add some finely sliced pickles or maybe a sliced pickled hot pepper. Otherwise, that's it.

Now that I've got you all hungry and craving meat, here's an enraging list of things that can instantly ruin a perfectly good burger.

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“What Instantly Ruins A Burger For You?” Posted by u/TheKeyMaster365
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"Ohhhhh THIS is my camp. I will only eat tomato on a burger if it's red and in season. Miss me with that sad, pink, ethylene gassed bullshit." said u/ParticularZone5.

"Tomato's can be great when they're fresh and crisp. But when they're all soggy, they ruin anything they touch." said u/austinwford.

"Or when you get the hard white bit from right below the stem" said u/yungcanadian.
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"Too much sauce can make the bun disintegrate and it becomes a soggy mess." said u/IAmStevie420.

"That's why you put toast the buns and put lettuce on the bottom." said u/throwaway289037.
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"It's called the chode rule. Burger needs to be wider than it is tall." said u/FecundFrog.
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"Limp, watery, garbage lettuce ruins so many things. If you cant get quality lettuce, please leave it off! Restaurants sneak it on without putting it on the menu and you cant just take it off because the wateriness has already soaked into everything else." said u/fraud_imposter.
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"This is heinous" said u/Gloomy-Flamingo-1733.

"But hilarious lol" added u/ThreeLeggedParrot.
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